A History of Nonsense - The KSL Compendium
Your guild is a fucking mess. I'm surprised it has lasted this long and i bet it wont last as long as us - Zexion , Warrior Nation, 2006 Challenge fucking accepted - KSL, 2005-Whichever time Phil has visited in the future KSL Throughout its long history KSL has been home to many hopeless knights who have cemented old traditions and phrases that are now near long forgotten. The new era of KSL has brought in many strange and wonderful people. From the good guys - Mowen, the best leader EU, king of cards and sort of good at reason, Ross the guy who somehow gets it done, Lara the wiggling too nice for her own good comedic genius who will never learn not to say funny things in front of 6 guys with a wiki and Lewis the man with the technical know how and one liners to keep this wiki afloat. And then theres the bad guys - Phil the man with the matter of fact voice that is probably fucking up your day right now (PSA Do not fuck days) and Raven the woman who could probably kill you with bees while digging in your car. And lets not forget some legends aswell but then we would be here all day writing. But what about the old ones? the likes of Hugh Jarse,Willow O Whisper, Ivor Big Un, Rafen Arkio and Ace Ambulance? the evil elementalists like Woo Chop and Ezekial Bain? the greatest warrior to ever live Ach Illes and the worst one Robbie Red? the ones who started it all? Let this page be a reminder for when Rally Subaru makes an old reference that goes over the heads of the newer hopeless knights. This page serves as a collection of short stories that all have lessons to teach. Three In Water A term coined by the infamous Woo Chop, a man who claimed to be one of the best elementalists of the guild while wearing what could only be described as a broken umbrella, who was called upon to teach others his build during a very vital part of the Domain of Anguish. As the knights stood ready to take on the shadow army in the pitch black fields of Ravenheart Gloom, he valiantly called out what he was bringing to the battle- "I have 16 in Fire, 12 in Earth.....oh and 3 in Water". Thus this became a staple of all KSL elementalists as who could really say whether the content had been beaten due to the parties skills and Jays monking or simply because of Woo Chops magical 3 in water. Some could say the legacy refuses to die even now as some adopt the 3 in water policy with brand new tech and glares from their comrades. Lesson: Three in Water is the ultimate way to beat all PvE content. Rafen Arkio Long long before Dan knew the madness of Ravens or Daeraxas, he met Rafen Arkio, a powerful elementalist who actually sort of didn't really want to be an elementalist but a god damn zoologist. Despite having access to the most powerful skills in the game - the ability to call down meteors, light the very earth around him on fire and even freeze enemies in place - he wanted a fucking ranger pet. Despite multiple attempts by Dan to persuade him to not bring a fucking tiger into the Underworld on an Elementalist all was vain. Rafen was well known to shower at least 15 times per day. Lesson: You cant be a pyromaniac and a zoologist. DO NOT TALK TO ANYTHING It wasn't long before KSL became determined to conquer hell itself when Dan was conscripted to lead a group into the depths of the Underworld. A place of betrayel and a place where one of the 8 KSL members was almost certainly going to fuck up, Dan became very wary of the 4 hours that were about to be wasted. Three fucking times was the rule of DO NOT TALK TO ANYTHING OR ANYONE OR EVEN YOURSELF JUST STAND THE FUCK STILL broken. The first time a member decided that the best time to activate a quest that would spawn invincible demons into the world would be the time when an AFK break was happening. One simple click and what can only be described as a complete and utter conga line of panic broke out with Jay attempted to madly heal everyone, Matt asking why he was dead, Whisp frantically throwing mesmer spells at things and Leon the Pirate telling the others "I didnt do it". It took over 15 minutes to take control of the situation and the knights all agreed that they should listen to Dan - lol jk THEY FUCKING DID IT AGAIN THE NEXT TIME. But these two fuck ups did not even amount to the Four Horseman Incident. After 3 hours of trudging through mountains, clearing plains of spirits, rescuing Tricksys brothers and sisters and arguing over whether Rally picked up his ectos the knights came to the monument of the Chaos Planes. Many travelers had come this far and perished but this team wouldnt - they were ready. The team talked tactics - two groups would split with a monk sitting between them. Group A would take on the 2 horsemen approaching from the east while B would protect the western flank. Should the horsemen get to the middle they would kill the reaper standing there and the entire group would be kicked out of the 3 hour Underworld run. And so with this tactic they marched on - and then the reaper died before they could even take one step. As it had turned out a member, confused at what the other 7 knights were saying had decided to take a stroll over to the monument - and lo behold the reaper at that monument had some sort of request for her! all she needed to do was take down some horsemen so she hit accept and then ran back to the group. Five minutes later after the Knights had finished planning and were about to go to putting their plans into the motions the game killed them all and threw them out of the Underworld. It was only found out later that the quest had been running thoughout the entire planning session. And so all the knights agreed that Dan was right and that they should never talk to quest npcs without his permission.......lol did they fuck - they talked to quest npcs four more times before eventually luck decided to take pity on them and allow them to save the run from the fuck up. Lesson: DONT FUCKING TALK TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING OR EVEN LOOK AT IT OR EVEN GLANCE AT IT, JUST LOOK AT YOUR FEET AND STAND STILL WHILE I CONSULT THE GW1 WIKI Stacy the Mesmer One of the greatest mysteries since the Queensdale Bandit, nobody really knows who Stacy the Mesmer is or what her class was. Was she an ele? she was a fucking ele right? no no it had to be a warrior. Someone called Stacy would be a warrior so she had to be a warrior. But wait i'm sure she was a caster so maybe she was a ritualist? We'll never really know what class Stacy the Mesmer was but hopefully shes still to this day being good at whatever class she is. On a side note who the actual fuck is Stacy the Mesmer? how did she get into this guild? Lesson: When you meet a Stacy make sure you ask what class she is first. Nice Monk lol During the great era of Ranger Barrage pet teams - a combination that would rip through the Tomb of the Primeval Kings with ease - a member of KSL was given the greatest complement by a guy who thought he was a vampire. Upon aggroing a set of wraiths our vampire friend (who could of been Eddie Redwhine from the hit teen film saga Twilight) died and proceded to say three simple words to Odd Bodd the monk (played best by Matt from the hit film KSL Does Lootdrops: Is it Any Good 2) - "Nice Monk lol". For some reason our vampire friend kept dying after that over and over. Who knows why though. Lesson: Eddie Redwalker shouldnt play necro. Lets Lead an Alliance During 2006 when Factions was released KSL, lead by Vitor "Paul" Ironhand at the time decided it was time to join the faction war. After a series of negotiations the guild somehow became the leader of a 10 guild alliance - this would of been excellent if it wasn't for the fact we had no fucking idea what we're doing most of the time and get by on sheer willpower. To make matters worse the fantastic alliance we had made was literally made up of all the things that cause explosions. In what was later labeled a social experiment gone wrong, gone sexual, in the luxon hood, KSL decided to place a guild that believed in astral projection, freedom, no structure and uncensored alliance chat alongside a guild that was essentially the military. These two guilds - OBE and WN for short - would never shut the fuck up and each took its own side in a war that KSL literally brushed aside in favor of pissing off Blue Perception in an AB lobby. Several other guilds existed in the guild, though none as noteworthy as TWOF aka The Wolves of Fire - a guild that had clearly been founded in the Bermuda triangle. To this day nobody even knows how TWOF came to be in our alliance considering we never met any of their members or leader or even saw anyone of them around. Some say that TWOF was simply an embodiment of KSL's desirefor the other guilds to shut the fuck up and play the game. Two years went by before KSL decided to let go of this ghost guild - and it is said to this day they sit silent waiting for Paul to somehow recruit them back into our alliance. In the end all was vain, OBE took a guild with them declaring freedom and acting like they had just completed a revolution while WN declared the KSL leadership as incompetent and left. Others soon followed until it was only KSL and TWOF - the only guild that KSL even liked. Everyone of the knights breathed a sign of relief at the departure of all those fucking maniacs and Jay simply shrugged and asked if anyone wanted to do a guild bounty Alliance Battle. Lesson: Dont fuck alliances. It only leads to more alliances. Category:Lore Category:Events Category:KSL